The Friendship of Angry Men

Friday, June 21, 2013

by Dr. Paul Chappell

"Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul."

Proverbs 22:24-25

In March of 1991 a twenty-four year old man named Carl Kerr went to a friend’s house along with several other people. He and his friend, twenty-one year old John Sheppard, were drinking and watching television when an argument broke out. Witnesses later told police that while Sheppard was normally even-tempered, he “got very angry when things didn’t go his way.” He left the room and returned with an ax and struck Kerr with it nine times, killing him. After just ninety minutes of deliberation, the jury found Sheppard guilty and he was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

While that is an extreme example of the principle Solomon lays out for us in Proverbs on the danger of friendship with an angry man, the damage done by such relationships is a real danger. Even if we never suffer direct physical harm, we are learning a destructive pattern of behavior when we keep company with those who cannot keep control of their emotions and anger.

The friends with whom we choose to develop relationships and spend time have an enormous impact on our lives. They help shape our attitudes and our responses when things go right and when things go wrong. While a good friend helps us do what is right (think of the wonderful relationship between Jonathan and David as an example of the power of such a relationship in action), a bad friend helps us do what is wrong (think of Jonadab and Amnon).

The reality is that we do not choose the impact our friends have on us. That happens automatically as a result of the relationship. The choice we have is in the friends we select. Choose your friends carefully because they will play a major role in determining your future.

Today's Growth Principle
If you observe someone who is not exhibiting self-control, do not establish a friendship with them.

Old Testament Reading

Esther 6-8

CHAPTER 6

¹ On that night could not the king sleep, and he commanded to bring the book of records of the chronicles; and they were read before the king. ² And it was found written, that Mordecai had told of Bigthana and Teresh, two of the king's chamberlains, the keepers of the door, who sought to lay hand on the king Ahasuerus. ³ And the king said, What honour and dignity hath been done to Mordecai for this? Then said the king's servants that ministered unto him, There is nothing done for him.

⁴ And the king said, Who is in the court? Now Haman was come into the outward court of the king's house, to speak unto the king to hang Mordecai on the gallows that he had prepared for him. ⁵ And the king's servants said unto him, Behold, Haman standeth in the court. And the king said, Let him come in. ⁶ So Haman came in. And the king said unto him, What shall be done unto the man whom the king delighteth to honour? Now Haman thought in his heart, To whom would the king delight to do honour more than to myself? ⁷ And Haman answered the king, For the man whom the king delighteth to honour, ⁸ Let the royal apparel be brought which the king useth to wear, and the horse that the king rideth upon, and the crown royal which is set upon his head: ⁹ And let this apparel and horse be delivered to the hand of one of the king's most noble princes, that they may array the man withal whom the king delighteth to honour, and bring him on horseback through the street of the city, and proclaim before him, Thus shall it be done to the man whom the king delighteth to honour. ¹⁰ Then the king said to Haman, Make haste, and take the apparel and the horse, as thou hast said, and do even so to Mordecai the Jew, that sitteth at the king's gate: let nothing fail of all that thou hast spoken. ¹¹ Then took Haman the apparel and the horse, and arrayed Mordecai, and brought him on horseback through the street of the city, and proclaimed before him, Thus shall it be done unto the man whom the king delighteth to honour.

¹² And Mordecai came again to the king's gate. But Haman hasted to his house mourning, and having his head covered. ¹³ And Haman told Zeresh his wife and all his friends every thing that had befallen him. Then said his wise men and Zeresh his wife unto him, If Mordecai be of the seed of the Jews, before whom thou hast begun to fall, thou shalt not prevail against him, but shalt surely fall before him. ¹⁴ And while they were yet talking with him, came the king's chamberlains, and hasted to bring Haman unto the banquet that Esther had prepared.

CHAPTER 7

¹ So the king and Haman came to banquet with Esther the queen. ² And the king said again unto Esther on the second day at the banquet of wine, What is thy petition, queen Esther? and it shall be granted thee: and what is thy request? and it shall be performed, even to the half of the kingdom. ³ Then Esther the queen answered and said, If I have found favour in thy sight, O king, and if it please the king, let my life be given me at my petition, and my people at my request: ⁴ For we are sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, to be slain, and to perish. But if we had been sold for bondmen and bondwomen, I had held my tongue, although the enemy could not countervail the king's damage. ⁵ Then the king Ahasuerus answered and said unto Esther the queen, Who is he, and where is he, that durst presume in his heart to do so? ⁶ And Esther said, The adversary and enemy is this wicked Haman. Then Haman was afraid before the king and the queen.

⁷ And the king arising from the banquet of wine in his wrath went into the palace garden: and Haman stood up to make request for his life to Esther the queen; for he saw that there was evil determined against him by the king. ⁸ Then the king returned out of the palace garden into the place of the banquet of wine; and Haman was fallen upon the bed whereon Esther was. Then said the king, Will he force the queen also before me in the house? As the word went out of the king's mouth, they covered Haman's face. ⁹ And Harbonah, one of the chamberlains, said before the king, Behold also, the gallows fifty cubits high, which Haman had made for Mordecai, who had spoken good for the king, standeth in the house of Haman. Then the king said, Hang him thereon. ¹⁰ So they hanged Haman on the gallows that he had prepared for Mordecai. Then was the king's wrath pacified.

CHAPTER 8

¹ On that day did the king Ahasuerus give the house of Haman the Jews' enemy unto Esther the queen. And Mordecai came before the king; for Esther had told what he was unto her. ² And the king took off his ring, which he had taken from Haman, and gave it unto Mordecai. And Esther set Mordecai over the house of Haman.

³ And Esther spake yet again before the king, and fell down at his feet, and besought him with tears to put away the mischief of Haman the Agagite, and his device that he had devised against the Jews. ⁴ Then the king held out the golden sceptre toward Esther. So Esther arose, and stood before the king, ⁵ And said, If it please the king, and if I have found favour in his sight, and the thing seem right before the king, and I be pleasing in his eyes, let it be written to reverse the letters devised by Haman the son of Hammedatha the Agagite, which he wrote to destroy the Jews which are in all the king's provinces: ⁶ For how can I endure to see the evil that shall come unto my people? or how can I endure to see the destruction of my kindred? ⁷ Then the king Ahasuerus said unto Esther the queen and to Mordecai the Jew, Behold, I have given Esther the house of Haman, and him they have hanged upon the gallows, because he laid his hand upon the Jews. ⁸ Write ye also for the Jews, as it liketh you, in the king's name, and seal it with the king's ring: for the writing which is written in the king's name, and sealed with the king's ring, may no man reverse. ⁹ Then were the king's scribes called at that time in the third month, that is, the month Sivan, on the three and twentieth day thereof; and it was written according to all that Mordecai commanded unto the Jews, and to the lieutenants, and the deputies and rulers of the provinces which are from India unto Ethiopia, an hundred twenty and seven provinces, unto every province according to the writing thereof, and unto every people after their language, and to the Jews according to their writing, and according to their language. ¹⁰ And he wrote in the king Ahasuerus' name, and sealed it with the king's ring, and sent letters by posts on horseback, and riders on mules, camels, and young dromedaries: ¹¹ Wherein the king granted the Jews which were in every city to gather themselves together, and to stand for their life, to destroy, to slay, and to cause to perish, all the power of the people and province that would assault them, both little ones and women, and to take the spoil of them for a prey, ¹² Upon one day in all the provinces of king Ahasuerus, namely, upon the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, which is the month Adar. ¹³ The copy of the writing for a commandment to be given in every province was published unto all people, and that the Jews should be ready against that day to avenge themselves on their enemies. ¹⁴ So the posts that rode upon mules and camels went out, being hastened and pressed on by the king's commandment. And the decree was given at Shushan the palace.

¹⁵ And Mordecai went out from the presence of the king in royal apparel of blue and white, and with a great crown of gold, and with a garment of fine linen and purple: and the city of Shushan rejoiced and was glad. ¹⁶ The Jews had light, and gladness, and joy, and honour. ¹⁷ And in every province, and in every city, whithersoever the king's commandment and his decree came, the Jews had joy and gladness, a feast and a good day. And many of the people of the land became Jews; for the fear of the Jews fell upon them.

New Testament Reading

Acts 6

CHAPTER 6

¹ And in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily ministration. ² Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and serve tables. ³ Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business. ⁴ But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the ministry of the word. ⁵ And the saying pleased the whole multitude: and they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Ghost, and Philip, and Prochorus, and Nicanor, and Timon, and Parmenas, and Nicolas a proselyte of Antioch: ⁶ Whom they set before the apostles: and when they had prayed, they laid their hands on them. ⁷ And the word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied in Jerusalem greatly; and a great company of the priests were obedient to the faith.

⁸ And Stephen, full of faith and power, did great wonders and miracles among the people. ⁹ Then there arose certain of the synagogue, which is called the synagogue of the Libertines, and Cyrenians, and Alexandrians, and of them of Cilicia and of Asia, disputing with Stephen. ¹⁰ And they were not able to resist the wisdom and the spirit by which he spake. ¹¹ Then they suborned men, which said, We have heard him speak blasphemous words against Moses, and against God. ¹² And they stirred up the people, and the elders, and the scribes, and came upon him, and caught him, and brought him to the council, ¹³ And set up false witnesses, which said, This man ceaseth not to speak blasphemous words against this holy place, and the law: ¹⁴ For we have heard him say, that this Jesus of Nazareth shall destroy this place, and shall change the customs which Moses delivered us. ¹⁵ And all that sat in the council, looking stedfastly on him, saw his face as it had been the face of an angel.

Proverbs Reading

Proverbs 22

¹ A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold. ² The rich and poor meet together: the LORD is the maker of them all. ³ A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished. ⁴ By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life. ⁵ Thorns and snares are in the way of the froward: he that doth keep his soul shall be far from them. ⁶ Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. ⁷ The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. ⁸ He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail. ⁹ He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor. ¹⁰ Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease. ¹¹ He that loveth pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. ¹² The eyes of the LORD preserve knowledge, and he overthroweth the words of the transgressor. ¹³ The slothful man saith, There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets. ¹⁴ The mouth of strange women is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the LORD shall fall therein. ¹⁵ Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. ¹⁶ He that oppresseth the poor to increase his riches, and he that giveth to the rich, shall surely come to want. ¹⁷ Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply thine heart unto my knowledge. ¹⁸ For it is a pleasant thing if thou keep them within thee; they shall withal be fitted in thy lips. ¹⁹ That thy trust may be in the LORD, I have made known to thee this day, even to thee. ²⁰ Have not I written to thee excellent things in counsels and knowledge, ²¹ That I might make thee know the certainty of the words of truth; that thou mightest answer the words of truth to them that send unto thee? ²² Rob not the poor, because he is poor: neither oppress the afflicted in the gate: ²³ For the LORD will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them. ²⁴ Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: ²⁵ Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. ²⁶ Be not thou one of them that strike hands, or of them that are sureties for debts. ²⁷ If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thy bed from under thee? ²⁸ Remove not the ancient landmark, which thy fathers have set. ²⁹ Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.